“The Dress” begins its tortuous grasp upon me.


“Wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding.” That’s pretty much the topic of conversation these days, whether we like it or not. What surprises me, however, is how very few people have asked me what I’m wearing, other than my gutter-minded friends who have repeatedly asked, “Are you wearing white? Lolz lol.” (Not funny.)

I guess I sort of expected the dress to be a hot topic, considering that’s all that bridal magazines talk about. It’s been a good thing for me, however, because I am not at all obsessed with The Dress. At a bridal show last week, I was reminded yet gain that I should have had The Dress picked out at least three months ago.

My future mother-in-law (or FMIL, if you’re down with the wedding lingo. And please, no jokes on the acronym) is a wonderful crafty woman who has graciously offered to sew me a gown. This scares me to no end, but not for reasons that you are thinking. I have no doubt that she could make something just beautiful. She’s made both of her daughters’ wedding dresses, one of which was a copy of a seven-thousand-dollar couture gown. The woman can sew.

What scares me is that dresses take time to make, and if she’s going to make one, I – again with the time constraints – should have decided on a pattern months ago. I am terrible with decisions, and I’m not nearly organized enough to have one of these so-called “Look Books.” I went out a couple of times and tried on some things, but mostly got sticker shock, even though I knew I wouldn’t be buying something that new. Do you know how many guitars I could buy for the price of a couture gown? Or how many trips to Paris?

Jokingly, I asked David is his mom could make me a replica of Kate Middleton’s dress, to which FMIL responded, “Sure, do we have any pictures yet? Aren’t they keeping that a secret?” This at least gives me a backup plan, just in case I haven’t acquired a dress by April 29. I’m sure the details and photos will be in newspapers immediately, which gives FMIL three months to sew a replica. Plenty of time, right?

In the mean time, I’ll report back with torturous and fun stories from my dress-trying-on adventures.

Photo: carbonated